Do you feel?

We're all walking around with these glossy eyes.

"I'm just tired," we say.

 But you know what?

 It's a load of crap.

Yes, we are tired, but it's not from lack of sleep. We are tired of waking up with nothing to look forward to, tired of going to bed exhausted after doing a million things we find no enjoyment in doing. We're tired of this void, this emptiness that looms over us even though our days are packed. We're tired of the loneliness that presses down on us even though we're surrounded by dozens of people. So why can't we just say it? Humans are so afraid to look into each other's eyes and say "I am unhappy, I am broken, I am hopeless and fallible."

 We've been conditioned to associate pain with weakness, sadness with coldness, loneliness with worthlessness, difference with disease.

Why don't we feel more?

We all feel... why don't we show it?

I've cried in front of some of my closest friends. I'm the type of guy who wears his heart on his sleeve.
When something is bothering me the people around me can tell.

Yet I still try and hide it....

It's dumb really.

We're humans.

Humans feel.

So I say screw that fear.

Screw forced smiles and polite handshakes and I'm fine, thank yous. Screw the fear of crying in public, screw the fake chipper voice, screw the lies we spit out to cover up our problems.

We are not metal, we are flesh and bone. Our boiled blood courses through our cold, clammy hands. We are intricate and beautiful and we should never hide our human parts.

 Because if we do, then what's left to show?

Need to want less.

When I was 6 I wanted a new bike.

When I was 10 I wanted a dog.

When I was 14 I wanted to fit in. I wanted friends.

When I was 16 I wanted a car.

When I was 17 I wanted a girl named Elle. Or more appropriately when I was 15, 16, and 17.

Now I want Everything.

I only need enough to survive.

It’s funny because everything I used to want I got. I’ve gotten a few new bikes, I have a dog, I’m pretty sure I have friends, I have a car, I had a girl.

Some things took longer for me to achieve than others but I have been able to get everything I’ve wanted.

Now those wants have changed or they’re gone.

I still have a bike and my dog is with my parents. The people I call my friends are not the same people I called my friends when I was 14. My car is broken down.

Anyone who knows me at all knows how much my want for that girl has changed.

I know that my wants and my needs have changed a lot. 

Right now all I’m trying to do is survive.

Survival.

That's all.

Later Internet.

#StudentLyfe P.S. follow me on Twitter (@keegandalf)

The end of the semester is so incredibly close.

I'm super excited for Christmas break.

Friends, Family, Relaxation, Snowboarding...


and REAL FOOD!

Living on a budget is not always the funnest thing. I'm actually surprised at how quickly I adapted to life without having my parents there to do everything for me.

Well, not everything. But the important things.

Like cooking and buying groceries.

I think what I'm looking forward to the most has gotta be the chance to slow down and take a break from everything.

Well I guess not everything.

I'm most likely going to be working a lot of hours over christmas break. But I'll get a break from research papers and annotated bibliographies and projects worth half your grade.

I'm actually incredibly stressed out by school right now.

Which is saying a lot because I don't get stressed out to easily.

Take grade 10 for example. I did 70 units in 8 days in june.

For those of you readers that didn't go to Carroll, that's the equivalent of 2 five credit courses and 2/3rds of a three credit course.

I wasn't stressed nearly as much as I am now.

I just can't wait for it to all be over so I can prepare to do it again next semester... and the semester after that... and the semester after that... and the semester after that.... and the semester after that.... and the semester after that... and the semester after that.

And then for the rest of my life.

Awesome.

Except I'm actually really excited to see where I end up in the future.

Okay I gotta not be blogging and finish my plethora of projects.

I'm in essay writing mode.

Mixed with caffeine and apple cider.

Later Internet.

A wise man once said....

These are three quotes that I am trying to live by. I think they're all important and have made me a happier person!!

1. Love.
- Jesus

Love is the most important thing to have at the base of your life.

I'm not just talking about boyfriend - girlfriend love. No.

Love people. It's so easy to take one look at a person and decide that they're unworthy of you. I have been guilty of this. But really, think of how much happier you would be if you had no problems with anybody? If someone has done something to hurt you, forgive them. If you spend all your time angrily stewing about it then it's going to affect your happiness. That person has already hurt you... don't let them control how you feel.

2.Sometimes even to live is an act of courage.
- Seneca

We've all been there. That moment when it feels like everything in life is going against you. Every bad thing that could possibly happen to you has happened. ALL AT THE SAME TIME.

It's the worst.

But do not EVER give up. No matter what life throws at you, know that you can beat it. You can overcome it.

It's the same with fear. This is gonna sound funny... but when I was like 12 I was watching "Rescue Heroes" on teletoon and in the episode there was an underwater natural aquarium.

It was pretty cool.

Anyways, there was a stupid dumb shark that rammed the glass and broke it. The aquarium started flooding and there were a lot of people were trapped inside.

There was only one exit. Fairly poor design, am I right?

There was one kid who was terrified of water (Tom Komar) and he got trapped behind some debris and the only way he could survive was to swim with a dolphin through a little crack in the debris. Anyways, he was scared and would rather die than swim for 10 feet. So Billy Blazes, local heroic firefighter, talked him into swimming.

 He said "Fear is something inside of you, and you're bigger than anything inside of you, right?"

This inspired the kid to swim and save his life. It was awesome. It's weird that I remember that from when I was a wee little ginger kid...

3. Do first things first, and second things not at all.
- Peter Drucker

Avoid procrastination like it's the plague.

Because it is a plague. One thing procrastinated leads to another and another and another and another and another until you're completely overwhelmed and are wanting to die from all the stress.

Finish your work before you decide to play. Not the other way around.


And on that note I think it's time I go to bed.

Later Internet.

Soccer =)

Yay!

I had my first soccer game of the season today. I just got home from it actually.

I got a couple things on my mind.

First, I kinda like starting with a brand new team in div 6.... This was my first game since outdoor and I managed to score twice.... while playing defence.

So that was nice.

I still got it =)

Secondly, It is 12:30 am...

Which I guess isn't really a big deal right now because I have been slowly developing insomnia thanks to the new Call of Duty... But I really hope this doesn't happen the night before one of my morning classes.

That would suck.


SOCCER!

YAY!!

I'M TYPING IN ALL CAPS BECAUSE I AM HAPPY!

That is all.

Later Internet.