Thursday, December 22, 2011

Do you feel?

We're all walking around with these glossy eyes.

"I'm just tired," we say.

 But you know what?

 It's a load of crap.

Yes, we are tired, but it's not from lack of sleep. We are tired of waking up with nothing to look forward to, tired of going to bed exhausted after doing a million things we find no enjoyment in doing. We're tired of this void, this emptiness that looms over us even though our days are packed. We're tired of the loneliness that presses down on us even though we're surrounded by dozens of people. So why can't we just say it? Humans are so afraid to look into each other's eyes and say "I am unhappy, I am broken, I am hopeless and fallible."

 We've been conditioned to associate pain with weakness, sadness with coldness, loneliness with worthlessness, difference with disease.

Why don't we feel more?

We all feel... why don't we show it?

I've cried in front of some of my closest friends. I'm the type of guy who wears his heart on his sleeve.
When something is bothering me the people around me can tell.

Yet I still try and hide it....

It's dumb really.

We're humans.

Humans feel.

So I say screw that fear.

Screw forced smiles and polite handshakes and I'm fine, thank yous. Screw the fear of crying in public, screw the fake chipper voice, screw the lies we spit out to cover up our problems.

We are not metal, we are flesh and bone. Our boiled blood courses through our cold, clammy hands. We are intricate and beautiful and we should never hide our human parts.

 Because if we do, then what's left to show?

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Need to want less.

When I was 6 I wanted a new bike.
When I was 10 I wanted a dog.
When I was 14 I wanted to fit in. I wanted friends.
When I was 16 I wanted a car.
When I was 17 I wanted a girl named Elle. Or more appropriately when I was 15, 16, and 17.
Now I want Everything.
I only need enough to survive.
It’s funny because everything I used to want I got. I’ve gotten a few new bikes, I have a dog, I’m pretty sure I have friends, I have a car, I had a girl.
Some things took longer for me to achieve than others but I have been able to get everything I’ve wanted.
Now those wants have changed or they’re gone.
I still have a bike and my dog is with my parents. The people I call my friends are not the same people I called my friends when I was 14. My car is broken down.
Anyone who knows me at all knows how much my want for that girl has changed.
I know that my wants and my needs have changed a lot. 
Right now all I’m trying to do is survive.
That's all.
Later Internet.